So I’m not actually thinking about writing the AU where they’re all strippers, but if I was, this is how it would go down:
- First and foremost — Cooper does not at all feel degraded by stripping, and responds with weirdly innocent confusion every time he’s told that he should. (Are you kidding? He lives for attention. He’d do it for free. Also, there’s no way he’d ever let his brother do anything degrading, so.) Screw making custom tables; this is his calling and he loves it.
- There are still dueling Simon LeBon impressions. They just involve a lot less clothing.
- Kurt and Blaine are not quite an open secret — the guys they work with know, their friends and family know, but it’s never part of their act (although Santana keeps asking them to strip each other whenever she hires them for private parties.) But they usually slip out onto the floor to watch each other, and sometimes Kurt acts as celebrity judge for Duran Vs. Duran.
- Sam keeps dragging them out to clubs on their nights off to see this really hot R&B singer. It takes them at least a month to realize that they’re supposed to be watching one of the background singers, and not the girl whose name is on the posters.
- There would definitely be a running theme of “how to deal with jealousy when you date someone who gets naked for a living.”
- The idea of Emma having her bachelorette party at the club is definitely appealing. Particularly if one of the guys just sits and talks to her for half an hour, no pressure, just chatter.
- But mostly I just want it to be a story where these guys aren’t sadly living a life of shame, where they have their little four-man family and are good to each other and they find other people who are willing to accept them as they are, and don’t try to save them because they don’t need saving.
- Also I want a striptease to “Moves Like Jagger/Jumping Jack Flash.” But then, who doesn’t?
Can anyone give me a gif of Rachel making her lust face in The Spanish Teacher/Big Brother? I need it for reasons. Of stuff.
(Also, I don’t know if I have it in me to write a full on Magic Mike AU featuring Porcelain, Young Burt Reynolds, White Chocolate, and Big Time Cooper — with special appearances by The Smile himself, David Martinez — but I feel like someone should get right on that.
AND NONE FOR MR. SCHUE, BYE.)
So after seeing some “Magic Mike” gifs, I wandered over to the kink meme to see if anyone had posted fic about Cooper Anderson being a stripper, because… I mean, obviously. And all I saw was one prompt asking for “Whatever the author wants as long as it involves Cooper and male stripping.”
Which no one had filled.
And that just ain’t right.
This will not, exactly, right that particular wrong; I’m far better at silly than I am at sexy. This is, instead, fic where Blaine, Kurt, and Sam are enlisted to help Cooper improve his dance moves, and Blaine isn’t necessarily sure just why Sam is helping instead of Mike, and then he figures it out, and it’s probably the most uncomfortable three minutes and forty-two seconds of his life.
(But he loves his brother, so he deals with it.)
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molly-aster replied to your post: Seven hundred dollars later, a valuable lesson has…
O_o Holy shit. Glad you’re OK.
There really is nothing like having one of your brake pads just fall right the hell out of the calipers. Gets your attention, that’s for sure.
So, yeah. New pads, new calipers, new rotor on the driver’s side because that’s apparently shot. The amount of hassle I could have saved myself by doing this two weeks ago is mind-boggling. But I really didn’t think they’d fail THAT FAST. Or that spectacularly.
This is the last time I take car advice from a guy who brakes his car by yanking on the e-brake while simultaneously shifting into park.
Seven hundred dollars later, a valuable lesson has been learned: Get your brakes checked the first time they start getting loud. Don’t wait until they make a clunking sound then go suspiciously quiet (and terrifyingly mushy).
But at least no one died.
